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I promised you guys an update on my date with Blake, so here goes.

    • Super, super nice man
    • Polite, kind
    • A gentleman
    • Good-looking guy
    • Delicious dinner
    • Great glass of wine
    • Absolutely zero chemistry

I mean, what can you do?

I’ve blogged before about what makes dating a success. To quote myself, which I often do:

A successful date or match is simply an opportunity to learn more about yourself. It’s an interaction or an experience where you discover more about yourself and what you’re looking for in your ultimate match.

That’s what I learned after blogging about Lisa’s story last year. She’d been on three dead-end dates, yet I still viewed hers as a successful dating story. She got out there, she gave it a good try. Leaving a date as a still-single person doesn’t make it all a failure. Not trying would have been the definition of failure.

So to myself I say, “Way to go, Ruth!”

I think I learn a little bit more about myself with every interaction with a potential mate, with every date. This time, Blake taught me that chemistry is über important. For me it’s one of the top things on my list. Without it, I’m just plain bored. And I refuse to enter into a long-term relationship or forever marriage with the promise of being bored.

Swiss psychiatrist C.G. Jung once said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

I, for one, want to be transformed. I want that hissing, bubbly chemical reaction I saw so many times in volcano science fair projects. Bring on the baking soda, bring on the vinegar.

labWhat constitutes chemistry?

It’s not something that can be defined easily. It’s not created from some scientific formula in the lab where Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler work. In point of fact, if anyone knows less about chemistry, it’s those two.

Chemistry, you see, is that instant thing that results from a connection that two people have. It’s the easy back-and-forth banter, the attraction, the natural magnetism that draws you in, the longing to know more about the other person.

And by “instant,” I don’t mean “love at first sight.” This isn’t a fairytale or some Hollywood illusion. Chemistry can be cultivated over time, I suppose. But I also believe that I can tell quite quickly if it’s not there. I have, for instance, chemistry in all sorts of relationship types — friendships, family bonds, romantic connections. If the connection is easy, if it’s natural, if it feels right — there’s chemistry.

So that’s what was missing between Blake and me. Though he is a perfect gentleman and is as nice as can be, the connection between us was about as dry as the Mojave desert. I believe it was obvious to both of us, as is evidenced by neither of us contacting each other after several days.

A waste of time? Nope.

A failure? Not by a long shot.

A learning experience? Absolutely.

Moving on now to check out my other online dating matches. Will keep you all posted. But I encourage those of you who’ve had a few “bad” dating experiences to consider them just part of the journey. In fact, don’t consider them “bad” at all. They’re all the Lego blocks we use to build our futures, and we’re meant to twist and turn them along the way to fit them into the bigger picture.

~Ruth