ask her out, asking a guy out, asking a man out, call, Christian Mingle, date, dating, eharmony, email, emailing, first date, initiative, match.com, online dating, single, singlehood, singleness, telephone, will he call?
As you may know, I recently forayed back into the fabulous world of online dating. So far it’s been going as expected. I’ve been matched with lots of men who fall into three basic categories:
- 80% of them are not a match for me because they are 60 years old (dangerously close to my dad’s age!), they’re 5’4″ tall (I have nothing against short men, but my insecurities will not survive feeling like the Jolly Green Giant my entire marriage), they’re Jersey Shore-level players, or we literally have nothing in common.
- 15% of them are good matches, but they have no interest in me. (Yes, Mom, it’s possible.)
- 5% of them are good matches and are actually communicating with me.
I’ve been chatting with a great guy named Blake*, who is Christian, attractive, hard-working, and seems sweet. But I use the term “chatting” loosely, because we’ve only emailed so far. Back and forth, forth and back. Long emails. It’s not all bad, because there’s something romantic and Shakespearean about writing to one another. Also, I can tell a lot about him from emails.
- Does he have basic grammar skills, or is he one of the many guys who WRITES EVERY EMAIL IN ALL CAPS or spels teribly and has no problems using no rite english and stuff or insists on using text acronyms like a 12-year-old girl? LOL! ROFL! OMG! (Seriously, adults of the world, stop using OMG in writing or, even worse, out loud. I beg of you!)
- Does he take the time to actually get to know me? If he puts effort into thoughtfully writing a longer email, it’s flattering.
- Does he respond in a reasonable amount of time? One-day turnarounds on match email communications are nice. It shows he’s anticipating my responses and is eager to write back.
But all these positive aspects to emailing a match can take a dramatic turn if they don’t roll into something else. Meaning, if the guy doesn’t make the ask or request a phone number, then all the bullet points above reluctantly morph into the bullets below:
- Does he live in his parents’ basement and need their permission to go on a date, but he’s waiting for them to get back from their anniversary cruise in the Caribbean?
- Does he have one of those tubes in his throat that help him speak because he ruined his voice from 20 years of chain smoking and doesn’t want me to hear his robot voice over the phone?
- Is he unemployed and unwilling to get work because it will screw up his Grand Theft Auto tournament of champions, leaving him literally broke and unable to treat me to even a Buster Bar at Dairy Queen?
The longer he waits, the more bizarre this bulleted list gets. The possibilities are endless, really. I watch a lot of Lifetime television.
You see, so far I like Blake. He’s really interesting and I would love to meet him and see if there’s a spark. But there’s only so far that emailing can take us. I enjoy reading about his work, his family, his hobbies, his faith… but I find my eyes skipping ahead to the end of the email to see if there’s an “ask.”
- Instead of “Looking forward to hearing from you soon!” — maybe a “Would it be okay if I gave you a call? I’d love to chat on the phone.”
- Instead of “Hope you have a great day!” — maybe a “So what do you think about meeting up? I’d love to treat you to dinner and get to know you better.”
- Instead of another email that leads to another email — maybe an email that leads to a date.
I was tempted in my last email to just ask him to call me. I even typed it out. But then I hesitated. And I sighed. And I hit the delete button and watched the cursor erase my obvious attempt at speeding things along.
I’m not saying I won’t eventually ask, but the heart of this woman would really appreciate if he would just ask me.
What do you think? Should I just bite the bullet and ask him? Or should I keep emailing and let him figure out the timing? What’s a reasonable amount of time for this type of thing?
*Name changed because I sincerely hope to meet this match soon and see where it goes.