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I generally try to eat healthy, although I definitely like junk food and often fight the urge to dive in the snacks that aren’t necessarily doctor-recommended. Tonight’s one of the days my willpower lost, although I admittedly didn’t try very hard to fight it. I’m now in my third hotel this week, my final night away from home before Christmas. After a week straight of restaurant dinners, I just wasn’t up for it again.

So I raided the hotel snack store.

photo (6)

Pretty nice selection if you ask me, although I’m feeling like Buddy the Elf right now.

We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

Once settled back into my hotel room, I put my feet up, turned on the TV, and poured ice-cold milk into a single serving portion of Cocoa Krispies.

I must admit, I’ve been in a good mood this last week despite the constant reminders of romance and love that flutter around like snowflakes over the holidays to remind me of my singleness. I’ve risen above. I’ve focused on the positive. My glass of eggnog is half full!

But tonight, on Day 7 of the “12 Days of Single” blog challenge, television started to get the best of me. I was bombarded with commercial after commercial of “the perfect gift for that special someone,” and “surprise the woman you love,” and “show her she’s worth it.”

Jane Seymour went on and on about her Open Hearts collection at Kay Jewelers. That hot guy that buys matching necklaces for his new fiancée and her daughter on the swing? Oh please. That would never happen. Plus, let’s not forget the little-known fact that Jane Seymour wrote a book in the ’80s called Jane Seymour’s Guide to Romantic Living, and then subsequently divorced not once, not twice, not thrice, but frice… er… four times. Her heart might be a little too open.

Then ABC jumped in, as they always do, with an ad for the upcoming 477th season of The Bachelor. This round’s “lucky” guy is Juan Pablo, a retired professional soccer player and former contestant on The Bachelorette season with that girl… that boring girl. What is her name? You know, the one with the brown hair.

Here’s Juan Pablo.

juan 1

Good looking bloke, but wait…

That’s not the photo I was looking for.

I need that one that really captures his essence.

Was it this one?

juan pablo 3

That’s closer to it, but not entirely there.

I’m no photographer, but I don’t think this one conveys the real heart of who Juan Pablo is.

Let’s see…

How about…

juan-pablo 2


Oh please. Who am I kidding? I could never handle all that. I mean, where would I put my hands?

Anyway, gratuitous nudity aside, ABC is promoting a two-night premiere for this train wreck of a reality show in January. In an overkill of cheese, I just heard this on the commercial — verbatim.

Not Juan… but two nights of Juan Pablo.

Oh, Chris Harrison. Get a handle on your network!

I’ve now moved on to the Chex Mix, a salty flavor complement to my sweet breakfast cereal (at 10:20 p.m.). But the holiday programming and commercials aren’t changing one bit.

More jewelry commercials filled with couples celebrating and rubbing it in my face. More proposals and romantic gifts and Christmas surprises and kissing under the mistletoe. Basically more punches in the gut, screaming out: “You’re single! You’re alone! You’ve got nobody to share the holidays with! You will not have a special gift under the Christmas tree!”

No, Ruth.

Don’t sink into this deep, dark hole.

Don’t give into the Twix bar. Our plan was to save that for breakfast.

It’s just TV.

What do they know, anyway? They took My So Called Life off the air!

Stand strong!

And just when I thought I didn’t have the strength to keep my head above water as I drowned in my own pity party, God stepped in. By “stepped in,” I mean he allowed the Lifetime channel to show the dumbest, cheesiest, most incredible Christmas movie ever, All About Christmas Eve.

It caught my attention when I flipped to the channel and saw Hillary Duff’s sister…


…with Patrick Muldoon!


Yeah, I know he’s a lot older now, but you definitely know him. Think harder. He once had that job managing The Max?

jeff the max

Oh yeah, you remember him now. Kelly Kapowski fell in love with her boss, Jeff, who happened to be a lot older than her. But age shouldn’t matter in matters of the heart!

Things seemed to be going great, until the Bayside gang went out for a night on the town, all thanks to some fake IDs conjured up by the group’s resident scientist, Screech Powers.

screech fake ids

Their new, older identities got them into The Attic, the hottest over-18 dance club in town! It was going to be an amazing night! Until… Kelly saw something she didn’t ever think she’d see…

kelly sees jeff

Kelly — in her sexy pink dress and grownup hairstyle — couldn’t believe her eyes. Jessie was ready to pounce on just another “male chauvinist pig, Bubba!”

jeff dancingWait. Is that Jeff? Kelly’s Jeff? Wearing the ugliest, most cliché Hamptons sweater? While also dancing with another woman?

kelly yelling“Oh, no you didn’t!”

My little trip down memory lane has taught me something: All romance isn’t a fairytale. Kelly thought she found the man of her dreams and he ended up breaking her heart. Love isn’t always perfect. Sometimes it’s downright messy.

As Kelly left The Attic that night, I bet she wondered if love was even worth the risk anymore.

So me, sitting here alone in Room 312 with a Frappuccino in hand, may not be such a bad idea after all.

Twisted logic, I know. But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to make it through the night. And tonight’s plan looks something like this:


You think Juan Pablo and I share the same diet and exercise regimen?


{Stay tuned for the remaining installments of the “12 Days of Single” blog challenge. I’ll be posting a new blog every day from now until Christmas!}