Dear Future Husband,
Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Seventeen years is a long time to go without any communication. Clearly I have some relationship skills that I can work on. Wow, is this our first official fight?
A lot has changed since my last letter. I was about 15 years old then, full of potential and hope and fearless curiosity. I wrote to you in my diary, signed my last name with a smiley face over it, and spent a great deal of my time talking about puppies. I wanted to get married because I wanted to be like everyone else, like my big sister who was engaged at the time. And I wanted to kiss a boy. And I wanted a baby of my own named Pamela after my favorite childhood doll (who talked when you inserted a magic cartridge in her back!).
Now I’m 32, full of… well… potential and hope and fearless curiosity. I suppose not that much has changed after all. I do remember thinking you’d come see me earlier in life, though. I expected a wedding at 22, or 26, or 30. I expected to be hitched by now with a few kids, a cute house, and a standing summer vacation in Myrtle Beach. So the burning question remains: Where you at, yo?
I have a lot to tell you! God’s doing great things in my life. In some ways, I feel more sure of myself than I ever have. I’m working hard at my career and I’m working hard to show the people around me God’s amazing love. I’m surrounded by incredible family and friends, and I really can’t wait for you to meet them. (Sorry in advance for my brothers’ inappropriate jokes.)
But as sure of myself as I like to think I am, insecurity often manages to creep on in, and I find myself asking why. Why am I still single? Why haven’t you found me yet? Why haven’t I found you? How is the world surviving without our inevitably amazing power-couple prowess?
I thought of you this past weekend when I was getting new tires put on my car. As I made decisions about tread and warranty and alignments, I thought, Where are you? I have no clue about any of this stuff. I could really use your help right about now.
A few days earlier I was watching Dancing with the Stars and I thought, I know, I know! You hate this show. We’ll change the channel right after Wynonna and Tony dance. And I laughed to myself as I sat alone for another night on my living room couch.
And just yesterday I thought of you at church. It’s one of my favorite places to be — and one of your favorite places to be, too — and I just wished you were there with me. I want to sit with you every Sunday and listen and pray and grow in faith together. I want you to meet my friends and join us when we grab lunch after the service. They’d love you.
I guess I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Have you been thinking about me? Have you been saying to your friends and family, “I wonder when I’ll meet her…” Because I wonder the same thing. I wonder if I’ll run into you on my morning stop at the local coffee shop. Perhaps we’ll both reach for the coffee creamer at the same time and then laugh as our eyes meet. I wonder if I’ll meet you at church. Maybe you’ve been there all along and I just haven’t had a chance to introduce myself. I wonder if I’ll meet you at work, or through mutual friends, or in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. I do love a guy with clean teeth.
I like to think that you’re single right now, because that’s only fair. If you’re not, hurry up and end that trainwreck of a relationship so that we can get this thing started. Because it’s all about timing, isn’t it? It’s all about two people being in the right place at the right time in the right state of mind and emotion. I’m just waiting for it all to feel right.
So for now, I pray. And I want you to know that I’m praying for you. Is that creepy? I hope not. Frankly, I hope you’re praying for me, too, because Lord knows I could use it. If you need some pointers, here’s a starter list:
- Pray that I can be patient even when I’m so sick and tired of waiting.
- Pray that I won’t doubt God’s plans for me.
- Pray that I can cultivate and grow the relationships I have around me already.
- Pray that I can appreciate my independence instead of hating my loneliness.
- Pray that I can get stronger — in faith, in health, in emotion — so I’m a better woman when I meet you.
- Pray that we have cute kids. Like, Baby-Gap-model-level cuteness. Never hurts to rake in some extra income in this struggling economy.
And for you, I pray peace. I pray for strength to overcome temptations and obstacles and anything keeping you from getting to me. I pray for kindness to overtake your heart, for love to drench your thoughts, and for the Spirit to guide each and every step that brings you closer to me.
Hope to see you soon. Until then, stay strong.
Ready to love you,