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Thanksgiving is the time of year
When silence really tanks
On Facebook, Twitter, blogosphere
Shout blaring lists of thanks

“My husband is the best!” I read
“My wife is so amazing!”
And for this single girl right here
That crap just drives me crazy

It is no secret I’m not hitched
Dating? No sir, not me
So now I compose my own list
A singleton’s decree

I’m thankful I don’t have to hear
The “I want turkey” grunt
Yet have to buy the bird myself
‘Cause he’s too scared to hunt

I’m thankful to not don high heels
Big hair, a frilly apron
To slave over a steaming stove
To crisp his precious bacon

I’m thankful to not cut a salad
Knowing it’s all in vain
‘Cause he won’t eat a single green
Those veggies cause him pain

I’m thankful not to slave away
Cooking a meal for days
For him to carve one turkey leg
And take home all the praise

I’m thankful to not hear the moans
The button-popping burps
Table manners cease to exist
When gravy puddles are slurped

I’m thankful that I will avoid
That annual post-turkey march
From the table, to the couch
Fueled only by mounds of starch

I’m thankful to not have to watch
Five football games this year
Or hear the yelling at the screen
Between loud chugs of beer

I’m thankful to not feel the shake
From his afternoon snores
While on the couch he soundly sleeps
As I do kitchen chores

So this is my Thanksgiving list
A glass half full, you see
For single I am not this year
I am, in fact, just free