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It’s Labor Day. I have a glorious day off work and I’m enjoying it by catching up on all the things I’ve been putting off:

    • Paying bills
    • Throwing out the many old takeout containers in my fridge
    • Organizing my tupperware cabinet (Seriously, where do the lids disappear?)
    • Re-stringing my guitar
    • Scrubbing the bath mats
    • Watching An American Tail (which has been waiting patiently on my DVR for months)
    • Washing the windows
    • Having a conversation with Frank (my house plant)
    • Vacuuming, Swiffering, washing my hardwood floors (It’s a process, folks.)

And one that I’ve really dreaded for quite some time:

    • Checking in on my online dating activity

You see, lately online dating has been less of an adventure and more of a chore.Β It’s even worse than my normal chores — which at least result in some form of accomplishment, like sparkling floors and windows, paid-in-full bills, and a happy, healthy house plant. Online dating, on the other hand, has been resulting in annoyance, frustration and, well, zero dates.

As you may know from previous posts, I’m normally a huge supporter of online dating. You may have overheard me say things like:

    • “It’s a great way to meet new people!”
    • “It gets you out of your comfort zone!”
    • “The love of your life may be just a click away!”

And, at one time, I probably even believed those things. But the past several (plus a few more) months, the online dating scene has been barren at best. Both my eHarmony and Match.com accounts have had very little activity.

I remember the excitement I felt when I first signed up. I filled out my profile and posted pretty photos of myself and perused the profiles of potential suitors. It was an adventure. A hopeful adventure. I remember those days. Barely.

Now I sometimes go an entire week with no matches. I receive sporadic, random “winks” from obvious “non-matches,” like 60-year-old grandpas, 22-year-old shirtless guidos or African men typing in broken English asking if I’d like them to “place sparkle in eye.”

Today, as I listen to the Mouskewitz family sing, I smile.

There are no cats in America!
And the streets are paved with cheese!

I can’t help but sing a song of my own:

There are no good men on eHarmony!
And Match.com is filled with sleaze!

I’m left to wonder: What am I paying for?

    • eHarmony, Match.com and other sites aren’t free. I actually pay for this “service.”
    • If I’m not receiving any new matches, even after adjusting my search parameters, have I exhausted all the options in my area? (Seems hard to believe in a metro area of over five million people.)
    • Why am I even doing this?

So this Labor Day, I’m frustrated by the amount of labor online dating requires. I have to work really hard to earn money to pay for the service. And once I log in, I have to work really hard to sort through what have become really terrible matches. And then I have to work really hard to settle my emotions when even the terrible matches start to fade.

And in the end, I’m still alone.

For all of you that I’ve encouraged to try online dating, I’m sorry for this post. Somewhere deep down, I believe it works. I swear. Case in point: I have two friends who are currently engaged to be married to men they met via online dating. I can’t ignore those facts. I’m not blind to the possibilities.

But right now, these possibilities seem more like diamonds in the ruff.

And right on cue (as if I’d expect anything else), Henri the pigeon just appeared on the TV screen reminding Fievel (and presumably me) to:

Never say never, whatever you do
Never say never, my friend
If you believe that your dreams will come true
They’ll come true in the end

Sigh. To those of you who read this blog for advice, I don’t have any for you today. And I apologize. I’m simply frustrated. I don’t seem to have the same chutzpah that Fievel Mouskewitz had when he traveled far and wide to find his family. I’ve lost that hopeful innocence.

Is finding that special someone supposed to be this difficult?

Any online daters out there that feel this same frustration? What did you do about it?