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(*This post is Part 2 of a series on speed dating. Click here to read the story from the beginning!)

As you know from my last blog post, I recently went speed dating with my good friend, Emily. It was quite the adventure, from which we walked away both joyful and boyfriendless.

After the event, we each received our mutual “matches,” and I was matched with one fella named Michael. Turns out, Emily also got just one match… and it was the exact same fella. What are the odds? Considering we both didn’t actually fancy said fella, we simply laughed about it the next day. That was until today’s events unfolded.

It all started at approximately… well, exactly… 10:29 a.m., the precise moment when I received an email from Michael.

From: Michael
Date: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Subject: Speed dating event @ Wisdom
To: Ruth

Hey Ruth,  Hope you had a nice weekend… not getting any warmer outside these days… what did you think of the location for the event?  Kinda dark place and a little small if you ask me… haha

Would enjoy getting a Coffee with you on Sunday 1/22 in the afternoon in DC. Let me know your schedule and availability to meet up.

Cheers,
Michael

As I read the email, I laughed. He didn’t ask for my number, ask to chat, or ask any real questions. He just named a date and place for us to meet. It was so forced. Would I expect anything different from a man who spent all seven minutes of our speed date listing every movie he’d ever seen?

So, naturally as girls do, I forwarded the email to Emily and asked, innocently, “Are you slotted for Sunday morning?”

Well, batten down the hatches, folks… because here is the email that Emily immediately forwarded to me.

From: Michael
Date: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Subject: Speed dating event @ Wisdom
To: Emily

Hey Emily,

Hope you had a nice weekend… great meeting you last week at the event. What did you think of the location? Kinda dark place if you ask me… haha

Thought you might like to get together on Sunday for Brunch in DC…  let me know when you are available to meet up.

Cheers,
Michael

Déjà vu, anyone? After a few hours of midday laughter, I read both emails again and came up with a few questions for Michael (should he be reading my blog, of course).

  1. Why is it funny that the bar was dark? Haha
  2. Why did you ask Emily out for brunch and ask me out for just coffee? Are you calling me fat?
  3. (Apart from the clear cut-and-paste magic going on), how did you manage to send these emails only two minutes apart? Are you related to Flash?
  4. Why did you capitalize coffee and brunch?
  5. With two dates (and possibly more) in downtown D.C. in one day… aren’t you scared you’ll get caught?
  6. Why do you sign your emails “cheers” if you’re from Northern Virginia?

Alas, these probing questions will probably go forever unanswered, because neither Emily nor I plan to answer Michael’s incredibly creative and original emails.

A friend suggested that we both email him back at the exact same time with the exact same message. Hmmm… not a bad idea…

From: Ruth (and Emily)
Date: Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 7:00 PM
Subject: Speed dating event @ Wisdom
To: Michael

Hey Michael,

It was dark in that bar. How hilarious! ROFL! 🙂 Haha

I would love to go to Brunch or Coffee with you, but my schedule is so busy right now… because I’m in the middle of a movie marathon! The complete list of 143 movies I’ve seen this month is in the attached Word document for your review. Please pause and sigh loudly for three seconds between each title.

Also, my New Year’s resolution is to avoid dating guys who ask multiple girls out via mass emails, and then pre-schedule their dates in one-hour blocks over the Sabbath.

Cheerio, mate!
Ruth (and Emily)

*This post is part of a speed dating series. Click here to read the crazy conclusion to this adventure! (Yes, there’s more!)