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“I’m all shook up!” –Elvis Presley

Yesterday, a 5.8-magnitude earthquake hit Virginia, about 80 miles from my rickety, little fourth-floor apartment. It happened while I was at work, sitting at my desk just typing away. I felt something weird before the rumbling actually began. It was deep—like a tingling sensation inside my bones. I actually shook it off, thinking that it was “just a weird feeling.” But then everything started to shake—my desk, my computer and the miniature ecosystem my sister gave me.

It took a few seconds for it to sink in—Is this an earthquake?!

But when I looked up and saw the walls of my office actually moving, the mystery was solved. Then, before I could jump into the doorway or dive under my desk, it stopped. Just like that.

This may sound funny to any West Coasters reading this… but I was scared! I’d never experienced an earthquake before. My company evacuated the building, which basically meant we all stood around the parking lot sharing our “where were you when the earthquake hit” stories. And then we went back in and finished our work day as if the earth hadn’t shaken beneath us just moments before.

I read the news reports that the earthquake was felt as far north as Boston. And there were warnings that aftershocks were expected over the next 48 hours. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like leaving the office.

You see, for the most part, I love living on my own. Even if it’s just a small, cozy apartment, at least it’s mine. I have privacy, independence, decorating decision-making power, and full ownership of the remote control. After I clean my kitchen, it actually stays clean. And I don’t wonder if anyone has been eating my Special K with Red Berries.

But on days like yesterday, living alone isn’t ideal. There are certain times when having a man around would just be better! For your reading pleasure (and God’s listening ears)… here’s a list of roles I’d like my man to play.

  • Natural Disaster Safety Captain
  • Spider Killer (Really, all bugs, bees, wasps, moths…)
  • Rodent Trapper
  • Oil Changer (If Jiffy Lube tells me I need a new air filter one more time, I might lose it)
  • Gas Station Attendant
  • Scary-Noise-in-the-Middle-of-the-Night Checker
  • Fire Builder
  • Mattress Flipper
  • Sam’s Club Purchase Carrier (Shopping in bulk and living on the fourth floor don’t go well together)

And, since this is a dream list… let’s just throw in…

  • Toilet Plunger
  • Drain Unclogger (I honestly don’t know how there is hair still on my head sometimes)

I imagine it will be hard to find a man to fill all these roles. Especially when I add all the “real” things I think are important to wait for—like a man of strong faith, character and personality.

But as for yesterday, I came home to an empty apartment. And after all the shaking and quaking, here is the extensive damage I’m left with.

Oooh, that reminds me…

  • Crooked Picture Straightener

Hey, a girl can dream, right?