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News flash: I’m all grown up. I’m a big girl now! I don’t know when it actually happened, because it seems like yesterday I was hula hooping in my driveway and jumping on my trampoline in the backyard. And now—seemingly suddenly—I’m 30 years old.

And with age comes the inevitable hustle and bustle of life—the constant rush between a high-stress job, an apartment that needs cleaning, the grocery store, church activities, meeting up with friends, keeping in touch with family, and fighting the urge to sit on the couch instead of hit the treadmill. And somewhere between all this I’m supposed to meet, date and marry a good man?

I often long for the days of my childhood, when none of these pressures really mattered. A time when boys had cooties, the chubby areas of my body were considered cute, and ice cream came without a scoop of guilt or the subsequent cellulite.

You see, I can’t remember the last time I felt confident in a bathing suit. I can’t remember the last time I was comfortable in a committed dating relationship. And I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel guilty choosing chocolate over fresh fruit. What has happened to me?

It’s funny, because even with all my insecurities, I consider myself a confident woman. I truly love the Lord with all my heart. I claim to be self-assured, to know who I am. And I even believe it… most of the time.

But then my mind wanders, and even good things—like God’s Word—can cause me to doubt. Take Psalm 37:4, for instance: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I do delight in the Lord! He is my joy and my song. I live for him daily. Yet, one significant desire of my heart seems overlooked—I am still single.

How can this be explained?

Be patient, Ruth.

It will happen, Ruth.

God has someone special for you, Ruth.

I want to believe these things. I know I need to trust in God’s promises. But I look around and see incredible, beautiful, faithful women who are single—and much older than me. Will this be me in ten years? What makes me more special or deserving than them?

Being a Christian isn’t a magic potion for contentment. I still doubt. I still feel insecure. I still question God’s timing and his plans for my life.

But in the end, I must choose to trust in him.

~Ruth