In a Slump

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I’m in a bit of a slump.

It’s not the reason I haven’t written in a while. The reason for that is just life. The reason is definitely not — as some readers have written in and alluded to — that I’ve been busy with a new love interest. Not even close.

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law this past weekend where she expressed her genuine desire to meet my future husband. It was refreshing because I feel that most people have given up on my love life. They don’t even bring up dating or men or marriage around me anymore. They don’t want to “make me sad.” Truth be told, it’s more saddening that they think I’m a hopeless cat lady who will likely die alone.

Cat LadyAnd I’m allergic to cats, people!

I’m generally an upbeat person. I appreciate the good things I have in life and can deal with the shortfalls. So, I’m single… sigh. But I’ve got a great family! And friends! And a place to live! And food! And a fun job! And a hot tub! (Well, that’s a story for another blog post.)

But lately I’m sick of having to try so hard in the dating department. I’ve learned that when it comes to finding love, there are two schools of thought. There are the Colbie Caillats of the world, dressed in white sundresses while gently singing: “You don’t have to try, try, try, try-y-y.” And on the opposite side there are the Pinks screaming out while dangling from trapeze bars: “You’ve gotta get up and try and try and try.” Can you see how we’re all left a bit confused? And dizzy! I honestly don’t know how Pink does those aerial tricks.

The “not trying” strategy seems to work for some people. For the girl who meets the love of her life in youth group or college. For the guy who meets his future wife at work or at a bar. It just seems to happen for them. They attract people. They are likely really good looking and laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. I’ve learned this is a skill that’s hard for me to fake, but I’d be willing to pay to learn. Apparently it’s the key to happiness.

The “trying” strategy also seems to work for some people, though I haven’t had much luck with it as of late. Online dating. Church small groups. Community service outings. Wine tastings. Corporate happy hours. A local 5k. Blind dates. And the list goes on.

I.

Am.

Exhausted.

I feel like I’ve been trying so many things, but I just haven’t had my meet-cute yet. I haven’t bumped into Mr. Right at the concert or the soup kitchen or the baseball game. I haven’t started a conversation with a stranger at a bar or on the metro that could lead somewhere, anywhere.

And, to be frank, it doesn’t seem fair.

My positivity runs low at times and it’s currently hanging dangerously close to empty. Because when it gets down to it, if I’m trying so hard and it’s still not happening, there must be something wrong with me. Right?

Maybe I’m not attractive enough.

Maybe I’m not endearing enough.

Maybe I’m not praying enough.

Maybe I’m not approachable enough.

Maybe I’m not sweet enough.

Maybe I’m not young enough.

Maybe I’m not skinny enough.

Maybe I’m not enough.

So that’s the gist of it. I’m tired of trying so hard. I’m in a slump. And I honestly don’t know what to do about it. The thought of trying yet another something new to maybe meet the man of my dreams is both draining and depressing. Why can’t it just be easy for me… just once?

Please don’t worry about me. I’ll come out of this slump just like I always do. I will remind myself that my worth is found in more than my relationship status. I will become resolute in my work, steadfast in my friendships. Heck, I’ll even find a new hobby. The snow is melting and my landscaping is begging for some raking. Tilling? Shoveling? I may need a how-to book or two. But I’ll do it!

Do you ever just get tired of having to try so hard? Do you ever wonder why it’s so easy for others and yet you’re still single?

Let’s all take a deep breath together. This too shall pass.

~Ruth

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