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cold, cough, dating, eharmony, flu, match.com, matchmaking, online dating, relationships, sick
Just when I thought Christmas was over, I woke up this morning — a full week into the new year — to a blanket of snow on the ground, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer peeking at me through the window, and the sound of Santa’s “ho ho hos” ringing out in the distance. It was heavenly!
And then, almost suddenly, the NyQuil wore off and I realized my Christmas reality was nothing more than the remnants of a terrible cough and cold. The snow on the ground? At least 200 used tissues thrown haphazardly about in my sleep. Rudolph? Oh, wait. That’s just me and my big, sniffly red nose staring back at myself in the mirror. And Santa’s “ho ho hos?” Why, those were merely my own “hack hack hacks,” echoes of a nasty cough that just won’t quit.
Yep, you guessed it. I got sick over the holidays, which is part of the reason I haven’t blogged since Christmas Eve. The other part is that I purposefully set out to not blog over the holidays. You see, for anyone who takes blogging seriously, there is a lot of pressure to write consistently, to always come up with new content. In order to “make it” as a blogger (translation: grow your readership), you can’t just blog once in a while. You need to write often and write well.
But sometimes even bloggers need a break. And that’s exactly what I took this past holiday — a break. That was all part of my grand plan — everything except the “catching the family bug” part. Not pretty.
Now I’m back home, kicking it with three days straight of long naps, a full round of antibiotics, and a steady cycle of DayQuil and NyQuil (and then DayQuil again). Probably not the best state to be thinking about new year’s resolutions or goals or dreams. When I’m this hopped up, one second I dream to be the next president of the United States, and the next second I dream about spiders. Just spiders in general. (But that’s what I get for watching three episodes straight of “Infested!”)
This blog has been a journey — a reflection of my personal dating journey. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes sad, sometimes romantic, sometimes pathetic. And it’s all mine. As I look forward to this year to come, I’m thinking about where this dating journey will take me.
The easy answer (and the one I’m sure my parents want to hear): Marriage!
But, as a writer, I need to dissect that grandiose dream into its smaller parts. After all, as Psalty the Singing Songbook says, “We’re climbing that mountain one step at a time.”
On Christmas Eve my Match.com subscription expired. And just a few weeks earlier, my eHarmony subscription expired. And for the first time in quite some time, I chose not to renew them. I’ve blogged about this, but the last six months of online dating had been particularly barren for me. No matches, no interest, no hope. So renewing at this point seemed like a waste of time and money.
Perhaps one day in the future I’ll re-activate my online dating profiles to see if anyone new has entered the mix. For now, though, I face 2013 with a startling resolution with regard to dating: I resolve to meet eligible men face to face. You know, the old fashioned way — striking up a conversation at a bar, discussing the front page of the newspaper at the local coffee shop, asking his advice while getting an oil change. Lord knows I’m going to have to get creative… and brave.
Because it takes guts. And there are times when I feel like I might actually have enough guts to do it. Regardless, I enter 2013 on my own. Happy. Single. Employed. Thankful. Slightly nervous. And excited to continue sharing my story with each of you along the way.
Did any of you make new year’s resolutions concerning your dating life? I’d love to hear them!
~Ruth
P.S. If you haven’t heard, I was interviewed by RELEVANT Magazine in their January/February 2013 issue! Check out Emily Miller’s article titled “Breaking the Ice” for my take on the current dating scene. Read it on RELEVANT’s website or pick up a copy at a Barnes & Noble or a Christian bookstore near you.
Wandering Voiceless said:
Congrats… and good luck! Many blessings to you for 2013. :>
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thank you! Happy New Year to you, too.
Summer said:
Ha! I spent the holiday’s in the same fashion….laying on my mother’s couch (seriously…I paid to fly out there and do that!) and unable to move between the combination of sleep inducing medication and body aches. Great start to the holidays!
And as for the new year…yea not much better. I seriously thought that this year was going to start off gloriously! You see at Thanksgiving a long time friend of mine started outright pursuing me. And it became pretty interesting since we had been friends for a while before (two years). So when he started talking about how I would be an amazing wife for him…yea, I thought this is really going to go somewhere! And then reality hit! He started doubting it all, started questioning. And when I came home after ten days apart from him and he still couldn’t commit to even dating, I chose to walk away. Two days before new years. Let’s just say, the new’s years began the same way Christmas occured…in bed, except without any help from medication…just laying in bed, crying my eyes out, pathetic.
I had walked into this new year without much hope or expectation of anything good. But now, as God is working on my heart and showing me many things, I am realizing that the lack of expectations is not necessarily a bad thing. In the past, I had always looked forward to MY expectations each new year. Well…now…I don’t have any. But that’s right where God can move, because instead of my expectations, I have His. And simply put…it’s to be brave, trust and walk each day in His Presence and find little ways to be a blessing to others. Enough wallowing for me….time to lift my chin up, look into His eyes, and simply follow His leading…and be brave.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Oh, so sorry to hear you were sick, too! It’s just miserable, isn’t it?
So, your friend is annoying. Ugh! That’s the number one concern of friends that consider dating — that you’ll lose the friendship in the process. And he just proved us all right. Sometimes people are meant to just be friends. OR he should be man enough to at least give it an honest shot. Meaning… actually DATE for a while and see if it can work, instead of just speculating and letting his doubts and fears make the decision for him. I do hope, in all sincerity, that you haven’t lost him as a friend, though. That would be terrible. Maybe time will tell…
Love your New Year’s attitude, though! Enough wallowing is right. Just living the best we can and allowing God to surprise us along the way is all we can really ask for. I’m proud of you for pushing through. Sounds like a tough situation. Stay strong! And let me know how it turns out with your friend. Hopefully fences will be mended soon.
Summer said:
Glad you are on the mend! This lovely bug going around does seem to linger a bit too long!
And with my friend…time will tell. God is in control, and I kept that in persepective the entire time. Even if I do not respect my friend at this time (for reasons I cannot get into here…) I still do pray God’s best for him. I want to see radical change in his heart and a life lived out for God. I truly want to simply see him give it all to God and find peace in that. Maybe with some time, and more of God’s healing upon my heart, we can have a friendship again…not as it once was, but at least friendship.
Emily said:
Loved the article in Relevant! You go girl!!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks, Emily!
littleduckies said:
Congrats! I will try to read the article in Relevant later.
Hope you find your match soon!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks, friend! Here’s hoping 2013 is full of little surprises for all of us.
Nicole M. said:
My resolution is not specific to my dating life but is all encompassing. I resolve to live for today. Not tomorrow not next wk not next year. But today. And I’ve asked God 2 hide surprises in each day. So far He’s come through (but doesn’t He always?) And the most ordinary days have become extraordinary. Often hope deferred sets in when we spend our days looking towards the future waiting for something to happen. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. If my desires for a relationship are not fulfilled this year I will be sad and dissapointed and…30. But I know if that is the case then that is what God has called me to walk out for His glory. I hope u glorify Him in all of ur endeavors Ruth. Online dating or no online dating. Marriage or no marriage. May Christ receive all the glory.
Ruth Rutherford said:
These sound like great, solid resolutions. Good for you! The “God’s surprises” part seems to be a running theme in these comments and in recent conversations I’ve been having. God is fun and creative like that. I love when we can experience it, too.
And I’m with you all the way… May Christ receive all the glory. Amen!
Julie (@InciteFaith) said:
Ruth,
From one single Christian woman to another, thank YOU for writing this. I have been SO terribly frustrated lately with juggling whether to date and where to start looking. I’m actually going to do it the old fashioned way too – face to face. I tend to get along better with people in person and I’ve had zero luck online. Though I don’t do online dating sites. Every time I signed up for one, I would deactivate my account or delete it permanently. It just felt .. wrong.
Ironically, a lot of the dating advice I’ve been given this year (yes, already 7 days in) is to look online (Match.com, Eharmony.com, etc). Oh and the kicker today was to actually relocate to a larger University, get a better job, and try that way *sigh*.
So reading this today was seriously a breath of fresh air. Dating takes guts and admittedly, it’s scary as hell. But, you’re *not* alone!
Good luck in the new year! Looking forward to your new journey. You’ve definitely inspired mine!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Yep, online dating definitely isn’t for everyone. Just like meeting in crowded bars / restaurants isn’t ideal for many. It all depends on differing personalities. I’m okay with the online dating thing, but it just hasn’t worked out. So I’m trying a new route for the time being. Here’s hoping both of us find great opportunities to meet new and exciting people — both to date AND to just be friends with.
The advice to “move” always makes me laugh. We all live in towns or cities where there ARE eligible men. Moving to a new city (or university) doesn’t automatically make it easier to MEET them. That’s the problem! Not that they don’t EXIST! Ha ha.
So glad you’re taking this journey with me! Keep me posted!!! (And thanks so much for reading.)
Lindsay said:
I don’t have any dating resolutions, but I would certainly love to have a date in 2013. It’s been 15 years since I’ve been on an actual boy-asks-girl-out date! 15 years!!! Seriously. The last date I went on involved a prom dress, wrist corsage, and a fancy schmancy dinner. At this point, I’d be quite content with a $1.50 hotdog date at Costco.
Ruth Rutherford said:
First, wrist corsages are sorely underrated. I think they should be a dating staple, long after prom. How romantic!
Second, Costco hotdogs are (I can’t believe I’m saying this) DELICIOUS!
Here’s hoping for a year of new adventures in dating for the both of us! Keep me posted!!!
Leelee Writes (@leeleegirl4) said:
Love how you quote Psalty the Singing Songbook
Ruth Rutherford said:
Oh, I quote Psalty at least once a week. He is a wise, wise book.
1 Story A Week said:
Love your blog and missed you while you were gone. That’s awesome about Relevant Magazine. They are legit and I can’t wait to check out your article. I gotta be honest, I can’t believe a ton of guys have not tried to ask you out after reading your blog. You are honest and funny and seem to truly love God. That’s like the whole list! Good luck this year.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Aaaw, thanks. **Blushing** I’m the whole list? Wow. Good to know. I may need to make a T-shirt that says I’m the whole list, so that guys I run into KNOW THE TRUTH!!!
Thanks so much for reading. Definitely check out RELEVANT. It’s a great issue altogether, actually. Even has an article about Nicolas Cage!
ourfathersdaughters said:
Thank you for another insightful post. May God Bless You!!!
Ruth Rutherford said:
God bless and Happy New Year!
Ben M said:
This isn’t really a resolution, but I’ve been convicted lately that I was putting more energy into the idea of dating and how I can make it happen and not giving attention to God. So I recently decided to focus less on it and more on what God has on my plate now. While I won’t be able just stop hoping, thinking, and watching for it I do want to make it take a backseat to God. One day focusing on God may lead me to focus on dating, but I don’t think that’s the case right now.
Get well soon, I know how much it ducks to be sick over the holidays.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Well put, Ben. I often get accused of obsessing over dating, particularly because I write a dating blog. (That’ll get you every time!) But as far as everyday life goes, I try to put my dating thoughts into perspective. They shouldn’t outweigh my thoughts on my relationship with God. THAT relationship spills into so many areas of my life — my work, my family, my giving, my serving, my church, etc. It should be #1 for sure. And in that, perhaps there is room for some thoughts on a future earthly relationship with a spouse. (Yay!) But it’s all about focus. Good point. Thanks for the reminder!
orestgtd said:
Hi Ruth. I hope you get well soon.
As far as New Year’s Resolutions go, I don’t believe in them anymore, at least not what they’ve become in this culture – the “resolutions are made to be broken” bit.
But I did make a declaration for 2013, to “fall in love; whether or not I have a partner”.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Oooh, that is a GREAT declaration. There is so much about life to fall in love with. And when we allow ourselves to live that deeply and vibrantly, we can really experience life and all the joy that comes with it. Great reminder!
memoirsofakenyan said:
None of my resolutions this year are dating related, though now I feel perhaps I should have one. My issues where dating is concerned are slightly different. I tend to push men that I’m interested in away especially when the feeling is mutual. Perhaps my resolution should be to work on that, let people in, give them a chance.
What I should be saying is, this is a good post. I like the way you express yourself and I also admire your unwavering faith in God.
My resolutions this year: 1. Attend church services more often 2. See my career develop to the next level 3. Actually get to the gym twice weekly all through 2013.
PS: Big-up on the interview article!
Ruth Rutherford said:
I’ve actually found myself pushing men away at times, too. I don’t know why. I get nervous and embarrassed for some reason, especially if I’m not particularly attracted to them at first. Does that mean they’re not right for me? Absolutely not. But I feel the need to make it especially clear that I’m not interested. Who knows if some of those opportunities could have been so much more? I regret that habit. Gotta change that.
Great resolutions! Let me know how they go.
memoirsofakenyan said:
I agree with you, it does not mean they’re not the right guy. I guess it is just a bad habit to avoid. Something to work on. With a constant reminder to self, eventually we could kick the habit
Best wishes Ruth!
Larissa said:
Last year my resolution was to say YES to more things, because I needed to get out of my comfort zone! It opened a lot of doors and great opportunities. Led me to my first date ever! I also resolved to go on at least 1 date! And it actually happened!
This year, I am thinking about increasing that to 2 dates, but I like your statement about being brave. This gives me some things to ponder!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Have you ever seen the movie “Yes Man”? In it, Jim Carrey is under a spell of some sort and must say yes to EVERYTHING. It is hilarious, as you can imagine.
LOVE that you are being more adventurous and trying new things! Here’s hoping 2013 brings you your LAST FIRST DATE EVER. (Get it? Oh, I’m good.)
Larissa said:
Wow…that was a great pun there! I am in love with your blog. Have you read my journal recently?? Or maybe I just have found a place where it hits me that I am truly not alone in this.
Oh and last year about the Yes!, here is where I wrote about it. http://enlightenedeyesoftheheart.blogspot.com/2012/01/to-saying-yes.html