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bonfire, campfire, campground, camping, community, dating, Fruit Roll-Ups, marriage, Maryland, relationships, retreat, roasting marshmallows, s'mores, single, team building, trust fall, worship
This past weekend I attended a church retreat at a campground in Maryland. Basically picture any church retreat or camp you’ve ever attended, and that’s where I was — complete with bunk beds, a plethora of cold cereal choices, a bonfire pit, acoustic guitars, a basketball court, and smelly boys. In preparation for the retreat, an email was sent out asking us to bring sneakers and warm clothes. The 32-year-old in me starting asking lots of questions. Mainly, why? Subsequently, I may or may not have mentioned to a friend that if we did the trust fall, I might have to punch somebody in the face.
Well, good news! I didn’t have to take the plunge into the arms of a half-dozen 20-year-old boys with a collective weight of about 600 pounds. We’re all thankful, really. The retreat turned out to be a really laid back and fun time of community building. I made new friends and learned new things about God and his plan for me and our church. But, trust fall or not, it was apparent we needed a team building activity! We couldn’t leave the campground without one!
Enter stage left: Spider web game.
What happens when 30 church members are asked to stand in a circle? You guessed it — a team building activity ensues. Ours involved a large ball of twine, which was passed across the circle along with words of encouragement for the recipient. This went on and on until our hearts were full and the middle of the circle looked like a beautiful chapter out of Charlotte’s Web.
And it all had some significant meaning, of course. If one person let go of their twine, it screwed up the whole web. If one person left the circle, we’d miss them. We’re all important. We’re all part of the family of God. We all matter.
I had to check myself in that moment. For once in a long time, I was not cooler than the team building activity. Because, let’s face it, at this point I’m absolutely cooler than: 1) The trust fall; 2) The every-team-member-must-climb-over-the-six-foot-wall game (A.K.A. Get ready for people to step on your back); and 3) Two truths and a lie (which only promotes creative lying, I’m afraid). But this past weekend, as I stood and held my little portion of a ball of twine and listened as we vocalized our positivity and thanks toward one another, I was humbled.
I’ve written this before and I’ll say it again: Community is important.
And it’s important for all of us. Yep, that includes you married folks. Your spouse does not count as community. That’s cheating. You need more than that. And, frankly, so do I.
Funny thing is, this weekend, I really didn’t think about the fact that I’m single at all. Some might say it’s because there were no potential suitors for me in the mix. Touché. But I’d venture to say that even if there were, it wouldn’t have been on my mind. It wasn’t that kind of weekend. We were all just brothers and sisters in Christ, brought together around a bonfire singing worship songs and roasting marshmallows. No one cared about how we looked. Heck, I didn’t even shower and I do believe I walked around for at least an hour with remnants of a s’more on my right cheek. But it didn’t matter. We were just ourselves in all our natural, hippie glory.
And it felt good.
As is the nature of this blog, I often write about dating and relationships and marriage and being single. Hey, it is a dating blog. And I’ve even been accused of being “obsessed” with the topic. I repeat, it’s a dating blog. Of course I’m going to write about dating. And maybe, in a small way, I am obsessed with the topic. But only because it’s a conversation that must be had. And this blog is promoting a healthy one at that. And I’m proud of it.
But this weekend I wasn’t obsessed. This weekend I took a break. I laughed. I prayed. I sang. I played Catchphrase. I yelled a little too much during a heated game of Mafia (because “I looove this town!”). I ate too many Fruit Roll-Ups. And I found a little piece of community with my church family in D.C. — a web of trust that I’m learning to rest in.
If you’re not part of a church family, I encourage you to join one. Church isn’t perfect and it can be messy sometimes, but it’s beautiful, too. And you’re meant to be a part of it.
“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.” ~Charlotte
~Ruth
*Campground photo credit: Diana Wei Fang
Nicole M. said:
I LOVE mafia! Very creatively written. You make me want to read Charlotte’s Web again, it’s been a long time
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks Nicole! You should read Charlotte’s Web again. It’s just full of little nuggets of wisdom.
Kurt Bubna said:
Great post! Love the picture of our connectedness.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks, Kurt! It’s an important thing to remind ourselves that we’re not meant to be alone in this world.
Jeff said:
Sounds like good times. By the way, I will NEVER do the “trust fall” again. Almost broke an arm catching someone.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Yes! My second biggest fear… right after falling on my face because no one catches me.
johandp said:
Personally, even having done some (successful) trust falls, I don’t like them either.
I agree that, as imperfect as the church is (and it has done and still is doing some pretty horrible things – broadly speaking), Christians need a community. One must both be influenced by God and bring the influence of God in that community.
I like your use of bold sentences to highlight certain things – I should try that.
Ruth Rutherford said:
That’s a great thought: “One must both be influenced by God and bring the influence of God in that community.” So true. Thanks for sharing!
Catherine said:
I have definitely struggled with “exercises and activities” to demonstrate things. College Orientation was pretty much the worst! I love how sometimes, even something that you might usually think is strange hits you at just the right time in your life, and you’re able to view it differently. Here’s to being open to new experiences!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Oh, I totally remember college orientation. So cheesy! But you’re right — we never know when that one time might come when we see something differently, or it hits us differently. That’s just how God works sometimes. Bring it on!
Wandering Voiceless said:
Hi Ruth —
Well once again, I’ve gotten behind on my reading, so I’ve just gone through and “liked” just about every one of your posts that I had missed. :}
I’ve shared “When Sunlight Fades: Lord Have Mercy” on my fb wall. It should be shared far and wide. Thank you for that.
You have a pretty good discussion going on under “You’ll Know When You know” so I won’t add my two cents to that. I have ‘em, I just won’t bother you with ‘em — other than to say the movie “Fever Pitch” came to mind during the “date ‘em through four seasons” so you’ll really know what you’re getting into.
I loved “A Love Like Theirs” — because as we’ve discussed before our elders have traveled a similar Russia-to-China-to-Freedom path; and I have recently discovered what must be far-flung family members (who have the same uncommon last name as ours) who took the path via Australia as yours did so that helped me piece together a little bit there.
But this post here…. for some reason, it really hits home for me. First I think I must clarify for you: You may recall I’ve been married for 25 years… but I don’t think you know that I am not Christian by faith. I respect Christians (actually I respect all faiths) and I married into a Catholic family, but I do not follow that path to God.
And yet, even though we come from vastly different life experiences, I almost always LOVE what you have to say. This web community analogy in particular is truly inspired and if you hadn’t already been FP’d — twice! — I’d say this one deserves it, too.
Because even though you’re speaking about a Christian retreat, what you say applies equally to every member of every community on this earth. And the web of how we are connected and are important we are to each other is not limited to just those of Christian faith but to all of humanity.
So, thank you. Well done. Again.
:>
Ruth Rutherford said:
Oh, I just love that we have a similar family history! It’s so fascinating to me. My grandfather told me that when ships would leave Hong Kong to “the freedom country,” they didn’t always know where they were going. Some would go to Australa (like ours), some to America, some to South America… All those families hoped for is that it would be a better life. God bless them for their faith and courage!
Love your perspective on community outside of the church as well. I agree wholeheartedly. Even Christians sometimes get too caught up in our church lives, and we forget that community stretches far beyond the church walls. The web community is huge these days, and can be really positive when used in a healthy way. And there are so many other communities around us — friends, neighbors, work colleagues, and even just the bond we share as humans with complete strangers. Thanks for reminding us that it’s our responsibility to make community happen WHEREVER we are.
xoxo Always love your thoughts!