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Australia, baba, babushka, Canada, China, communism, dating, dedushka, dido, faithfulness, family, fidelity, grandchildren, grandma, grandpa, grandparents, hunger, interview, large family, long marriage, persecution, poverty, prayer, relationships, religious persecution, russia, russian, secrets to success, successful marriage, trust in God, ukraine, ukrainian
While drowning in food and fun at my family reunion last week, I somehow managed to steal away for a few minutes to sit down my grandparents for a little chat. They’ve been married a long time — twice as long as I’ve been alive. And I wanted to know their secret.
My grandparents have lived through a lot. As children, their families left the persecution and famine of Russia and Ukraine. They lived for nearly 30 years in China under communism, suffering through hunger, poverty and religious persecution — all the while trusting God to bring them through. Their prayers were answered when they finally migrated to freedom in Australia, and then Canada. One hundred books — let alone one paragraph — could never convey the valleys of darkness they journeyed through. Their story is powerful and it’s one I hope to one day have the honor to share.
For now, I’ll focus on their relationship with each other. I am, after all, 31 and single. And I often wonder what it would be like to be with the same person for as long as they’ve been together — 63 years. It’s so foreign to me. So beautiful.
So I asked them to reveal the secret to their long marriage. My grandpa (Dido) may get off topic a bit and he may tell me to give up on finding a husband. I’m not exactly sure. I get lost in translation and Slavic accents. And my grandma (Baba) may take a while to speak up, but when she does, she has a lot to say. But if you can look past the grainy video feed and terrible sound, I hope you will see their hearts. And I hope you can learn the same lessons I did from this short interview.
There is value in living a simple, Christian life.
And there is power in prayer.
Watch the 9-minute interview here:
Thank you, Baba and Dido. I love you.
~Ruth
P.S. Click here to watch the video on YouTube.
imarunner2012 said:
Thank you for sharing this. They are a sweet couple and they have a great story.
I think it is so important for young people to speak with the oldest members of the family. I used to try and ask my Grandmother about WWI, but she never wanted to talk. Her husband served and returned relatively unscathed. Not sure what her reluctance was.Now she is gone and my mother is the oldest person in our family and I do get some stories from her.
My parents celebrated their 60th anniversary this weekend. They have had their difficulties but never had a fight as far as I know. My 20th anniversary is coming up and I am not excited at all. There is the romantic notion of being with the same person forever. Then there is the reality of being with the same person almost every day for more than 20 years. I just cannot imagine another 40 years with my wife. And this is the first time I’ve said this to anyone.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks so much for reading and for your honesty here. I know it can’t be easy!
First, I guarantee your parents fight. They’re just kind enough to not do it in front of their kids. My parents were the same way. I think it was smart for the most part, although it may give me an unrealistic picture of how rosy marriage is in reality. Seeing a few fights might not have been a bad thing.
Second, I’m sorry to hear you’re not excited about your anniversary. I have no experience with marriage (or long relationships for that matter), so I won’t pretend to be qualified to give you advice. But what I can say is: 1) WOW. In today’s day and age, 20 years is something to be proud of. It’s a real accomplishment. 2) Most of the old people I encounter — both married and unmarried — just want companionship. Someone to talk to, someone to “be” with. Interesting, huh? It’s not about the romance, the sex, the adventure of it all. It’s about having someone there to talk to. From my inexperienced point of view, I find this so sweet. It’s something I long for. And it’s something I hope I can appreciate in the FUTURE, as much as I long for it now.
I hope you can see the benefits in finding that lifelong companion, instead of only the tough stuff. At least that’s my hope for the future version of me.
P.S. Looking forward to reading your blog. I’ve always said, “I’m not a runner” for many reasons — nonathletic, overweight. But, I may just be inspired to give it a shot…
Misti McHatton said:
Simply. Beautiful.
Thank you for sharing!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks, Misti!
Genevieve Thul @ Turquoise Gates said:
This was absolutely awesome! I love how your grandpa goes helter-skelter all over the place, and your grandma sighs, and then clearly and sweetly answers your question while he nods and smiles and agrees with her! There’s the secret – loving each other and not jumping in to correct! You captured it right on your video – how they love and treasure those differences instead of jumping in to “fix” each other. Thanks for sharing this piece of family – and even more so, Christian! – history and treasure with all of us. I’m having a tough day – but reading just a short synopsis of what your grandparents have lived through brought my attitude a quick 180 degrees!!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Helter-skelter is a great description! So funny. It’s true though… I think after 63 years you probably learn that you can’t change your partner. You just change together, grow together, live together… until… as my grandma says… “we stop living.” Sounds so simple, right?
The Christian faith part is a HUGE part of their family history. It’s encouraging. Who knows if they’d still be together if they hadn’t put God first in their family.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Emily said:
Your grandparents are so cute! I love it. Their faith is so real. You have a great family, Ruth!
Ruth Rutherford said:
Thanks, Emily! They are cute, aren’t they?
celia said:
LOVED LOVED…seeing your Baba and Dido again..they are precious and your blessed to have them. thanks for sharing and START PRAYING…
so did you make the vareniqis video????
keep in touch and be well
Ruth Rutherford said:
I have been praying… but I feel like after my Baba’s advice, I just have to make my prayer more SIMPLE.
Oh dangit… A video of me cooking Russian / Ukrainian food would get me married in a heartbeat. Why didn’t I do that?!
s1ngal said:
Emmm… I’m overwhelmed and so type-less so i’ll just say I’m *follow*ing you.
Ruth Rutherford said:
Aaaw, thank you! I appreciate the follow! Look forward to having you join the conversation.
thelivingnotebook said:
Hi Ruth -You probably already have this, but I wanted to nominate you for the Beautiful Blogger award… you can accept it officially on August 13, when the post where I wrote about your blog goes live. (I’m traveling on Saturday and had to schedule things ahead of time.) This link won’t work… yet.
http://thelivingnotebook.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/beautiful-blogging-award/
I miss D.C. (lived there for 8 years), but what I don’t miss is the dating scene. I definitely empathize with your frustrations…
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Wandering Voiceless said:
Loved this. Very sweet. You keyed in on the same quote I did, “We just live together until we stop living.” Simple enough!
My FIL’s parents also fled Russia to China, where my FIL was born and raised. He then came to the States by way of the Philippines. Such an interesting back story. He passed four years ago and I WISH Prince Charming had thought to record an interview with him. He, too, called his mother (Prince Charming’s grandmother), Baba.
Thanks so much for sharing. :>
Ruth Rutherford said:
Wow! Our stories are so similar!
It’s amazing… there were so many thousands of Slavic people who journeyed through China. And from there, Visas were just given out to so many different countries. I’d never heard of Philippines, though. Exciting!
They all suffered and went through so much. It really puts things into perspective for me, especially when I go through spurts of materialism and diva moments.
The simple life can be so appealing sometimes. There’s just something to that…
Wandering Voiceless said:
Absolutely. A wonderful reminder and “perspective check.” :>
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Luke said:
I know I’m way late to the party on this one, but I saw the link from your recent post. You’ve really captured something here, and the quality of the video just makes it that much more real. It adds a certain aesthetic value. I love your grandmother’s advice to turn to prayer. I get so deep in my head worrying about the future until I just remember that simple concept, and suddenly everything snaps into focus. I’m listening to them talking and getting more and more worked up, and suddenly she reveals her big secret – prayer – and I’m like OH YEAH!!! This comes at a pretty convenient time for me, even though you posted it in August. Good work.